Hump Day

So it's the middle of the week... sort of. Well it is for most of you, but for me I fly to Alberta tomorrow and work until Saturday, spend a day in Edmonton with my family out there, then back to Ottawa for one more week. THEN the crazzzaaayyyness begins. Ready?

Edmonton - December 1-4th

Ottawa - December 4-11th

Back home - December 11-12th

Alberta - December 12-15th

Toronto - December 15th

Florida - December 16-26th

Back home - December 26-January 1st

Yah that's a whole lot of travelling. Please note that little blip of Toronto there. Yah that one up there. So I have to go to Alberta for work, and the event I'm going to was supposed to be on December 13th, but then they decided, hey December 14th makes more sense for everyone so let's do that. EXCEPT for me, that just about messed up every plan ever. So now, I must go home on December 11th, get my sweet sweet mother to drive me to Toronto on the 12th to the airport, go to Alberta, come back on Thursday the 15th, meet my parents in a hotel where I will rearrange my pre-packed suitcase to Florida with my suitcase that had just gone to Alberta.

I get all crazy stressed thinking about it.

So that little week of fun back in Ottawa is going to be all sorts of crazy packing for being away from Ottawa for the month of December practically and packing for 3 different places (Alberta, Florida and home). I have to be super organized for that one. Riiiiight.

Anywho, can't complain much since I'll be working tons of overtime in order to be able to even take 2 whole weeks off work, and then go to Florida and all, yah know... just minor issues in the grand scheme of things.

So I might not be around much in the next little while, but I assure you I'll try and pop in as much as possible, and you know, you can always check me on Pinterest because I'm insanely addicted.

So how about some Pinteresting Wednesday fun!?

Source: weheartit.com via Amy on Pinterest

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Source: t.co via Amy on Pinterest

Source: restoredstyle.com via Amy on Pinterest

Source: bowribbonsandpearls.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

In conclusion. I love good quotes. I'm obsessed with Ryan Gosling. I love Dwight Shrute that dude makes me laugh my ass off, and Elf has the ability to make any normal (yes I said it) person immediately dive right into Christmas spirit. If you don't like LOVE Elf you have no soul. 

Happy Wednesday friends :)

Vacation

I'm in desperate need of a vacation. Like, desperate. My last real vacation was in 2009 to Cuba, and before that was 2004. Yeah, yeah, first world problems, I know. 

Whenever I can afford time off they are "staycations" back home. Since I work on a contract basis I don't get to enjoy the luxuries many of my friends have of 10-15 days off a year... paid. Oh how I would love that. For me to take time off, I have to save up for my loss of wages, and then to save for a vacation on TOP of that is just talking crazy (or being good at saving, which I am not). 

However, as you may know I am going to Florida in 17 days. Hells to the yes!

Florida is my family's go-to vacation spot. I've been there approximately a bajillion times (just a rough estimate). My grandparents are a typical Canadian senior couple that moves South for the winter with the geese, so growing up we went to Florida on vacation. It's been nearly 7/8 years since I was there last, since travelling during university just wasn't an option! 

probably from my first trip - I can't be more than one here, mock magazine cover

So now, I get to return for 10 glorious days in the sun! My parents rented a condo for me, and my cousin is coming too! She'll be going down a few days before me, and then goes back, and we'll spend Christmas with my grandparents (my parents and I). I haven't been to Florida with my cousin since we were really little (also the vacation of home videos that will likely be played on my wedding day). 

the two of us at Disney

I honestly cannot wait to lay in the sun, go to Universal Studios and make a trek to the beach. It's exactly what I need right now! 

And, often people need a vacation after a vacation, and I'm lucky enough to still have another week off before I have to return to work again to spend time at home with my friends and family. 

Christmas vacation couldn't come soon enough!

My brother's best friend, my brother, his girlfriend at the time and myself in Florida 2004. 

Discernment

I am always surprised when I hear a word I don't recognize (I'm talking in everyday talk, speaking English, not reading). It's not often you hear a word in your adult life when you have to say, "um, I'm sorry but, huh?"

So today I had my third instalment (fourth total) of Body Talk with my Body Talk girl K, and every time I leave I think to myself two things: one. worth every penny; and two. I feel damn good.

Body Talk has become that thing I do for myself that makes me feel good about myself, better than going out for dinner, out for drinks or a new shiny toy/shirt/pants. It's that thing I do for myself that helps me clear head space and figure out what's actually going on. Whether it be hoaky, full of crap or not actually legit, I don't really care since it has been a tool that has truly helped me in so very many ways.

Some of the main things I've noticed since starting Body Talk are:

- how concious I have become of my body's reactions to certain situations, I'm more present and aware of how things affect me in my day to day life

- how disconnected I have become from the break-up. I found myself still really struggling to stop thinking about it and let go of some hate and bitterness. I feel completely disconnected now (in a good way).

- my weight and everything surrounding it. I'm taking it as no coincidence that as soon as I figured out that I have been treating my weight as armour and protection that I have been able to let it go and started actually (finally!) losing weight. I haven't weighed myself since I was sick, so I can't give you an exact update, but I feel good about my progress and that's what counts.

- food and exercise - yes, this ties into weight, but I have noticed something huge here. I used to seek food, I used to think about food, dream about food, and when I was stressed all I wanted was food. I was the queen of cravings...but something has happened, shifted. I no longer think about food as a comfort (sure, a bit sometimes), but instead when I'm stressed out, and just can't handle another thing in my day, all I want to do is run. All I want to do is sweat it out... and that is what I've been doing (aside from last week, stupid illness). When shit hits the fan, I just see myself running it out on the treadmill, then I go to the gym and run until I can't run anymore. Some days I can only run for 5 minutes, and others it's 15, it really doesn't matter how long I'm doing it, because I am doing it instead of melting butter to put on top of a bowl of popcorn long after dinner. I have been eating because I have been hungry and not because I need it to fill some void...and that is huge.

Source: toomuch2soon.tumblr.com via Marisa on Pinterest

So yes, maybe this could have happened magically all on it's own, but it has happened since I started having Body Talk sessions.

Today K picked up on the stress from all the money stuff first, and how moody it has made me, and also an issue with a boy that happened about two weeks ago and how much that has affected me. A lot of my issues with men and dating seem to affect my stomach region, and this situation has been no different.

She mentioned that while I haven't been affected by the guy himself, I have been affected from dating and I told her that I have a lot of fears around moving on, and a huge fear around rejection. I am really afraid of falling in love again and getting hurt again. Afraid of meeting someone, falling in love, letting go and just taking the dive, and then getting hurt and rejected again. So when I meet someone that I have a remote attraction to, it put a lot of pressure on the situation, and made me just a bit crazy. The whole situation made me incredibly nervous and just well, feel bat shit crazy. I spent two weeks just incredibly down on myself because of this guy that doesn't even really deserve to be talked about because he has really, nothing to do with the situation (he's merely the tool to figuring out my shit).

via

Anyway, she said the word discernment was coming up, and the "take it or leave it" attitude. I am a no bullshit, no games, all or nothing kind of girl, which can kind of freak guys out. I am not going to pretend to be someone else for you. You either like me or you don't. You either want to be with me, or you don't. I've fought the fight, I've tried to change because I thought it would make me happy. I have felt like shit about myself because the person I was with didn't think I was good enough just the way I was. Enter my new attitude (or the return of depending on how you look at it) of take it or leave it.

However when she said the word discernment I went, "huh!?" I'm still kind of confused over the word and how it applies to me but from what I understand it boils down to my body figuring it out, distinguishing how I feel... I guess I understand the word discern and have used it in my everyday language, but discernment kind of makes me scratch my head... hah! I'm not a dictionary people.

Anyway, I'm left with the homework to reflect on what all this means to me, and where to go from here.

To me, it all boils down to wants and needs for me right now.

I need to be single. I need to focus on myself. I need to continue on this journey for myself to sort it all out, to conquer my issues with my weight and body image (one. last. time.). I need this.

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And even though a huge part of me is suddenly wanting to find someone and have close companionship again, I don't need that right now...even if I want it.

When it Rains it Pours

Holy moly have I had it hammered on me lately. Earlier today I was just kind of laughing about it, then my mom brought me my mail and now I just feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.

I don't know what kind of vibes I'm putting out to the universe but the most random bills and charges keep coming my way, and it just seems like it's out of NOWHERE. It is the most frustrating thing EVER.

Let's review.

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1. In August I got a call from a Collection's Agency that I owed $200 from my old apartment because there were damages. The one guy said it was from a hole in the wall. I called the old building and they proceeded to scream at me on the phone that I had painted the apartment when I wasn't supposed to. I explained that I had my final inspection and was never told about this charge. They said they'd call me back and never did. The Collection's Agency called a few more times, and since I was travelling so much I just begrudgingly paid it.

2. Another Collection's Agency letter came in the mail in October. This time it was for my parking tickets at the university I work for. I thought I'd get away with it forever, nope, they found me. $325.00. No choice but to pay that one.

3. Today I got a phone call from a blocked number. I didn't answer it right away because I knew they would leave a voice mail if it was important. They did. I listened to the message and it was the tax collectors catching me for a loop hole on my tax return last year that I tried to avoid. They're reassessing my taxes from last year and in 4-6 weeks I can expect to pay $1000-3000. Good times.

4. I get home and my mom hands me two letters. The first is from the second Collection's Agency, with MORE parking tickets. This time it's $295.00 I thought it was the same one at first, but after checking the dates and seeing the different totals...it's not. Lovely.

5. Second letter of the night. I was afraid to open it, which was for good reason because it was from the car rental company my work uses when I travel. Apparently I got a speeding ticket (but never got pulled over?) and they charged my credit card $204.00.

I'm afraid to do the math, but I'm pretty sure that adds up to the week from absolute hell for me. Did I mention I also smacked my face on my car door today and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a black eye tomorrow? Well yeah I did. On top of being sick earlier in the week, I'm just ready to crawl under the covers forever and hope I win some mysterious lottery.

So dear universe, I am sorry for whatever I did to make the money gods angry with me, but I sincerely apologize and would like to remind you that I try and stay positive, humble and grateful at all times, and this really isn't helping. K thanks.

Thankful Thursday v.5

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I find it kind of ironic that I didn't really think ahead that eventually my Thankful Thursday would land on the American Thanksgiving, but today I'm thinking, oh how convenient!

As you all know our Thanksgiving is in October, and the date changes every year, I have no clue how it is selected, but I think it has something to do with the moon.

Anywho... I love Thanksgiving, whether it be Canadian or American, so Happy Thanksgiving to my plethora of American bloggy friends (and the rest of you too :P).

Eat lots of turkey, spend time with family (and friends) and eat your favourite pie! There is always tomorrow to worry about the rest of life, today just be grateful and count your blessings!

Since it's just a regular ol' Thursday up here in Canada, today I'm mostly thankful for feeling better. It's a pretty legit thing to be thankful for since I was out of commission for 4ish days and lost 3ish days of work (and I'm one of the lucky ones who don't get paid when I'm sick. boo).

So I'm feeling good today, got my no heat curls on and ready to be a rock star at work today!

Anyway, have a great day my friends, and I'm super jealous over here because you have Black Friday and we don't, except I'm not because I'm pretty poor right now and have to save for my Christmas vacation and Black Friday would make me more poor. So yeah.

Linky up and tell me what you're thankful for today!

Whine Burger

So when I was little I had a nickname. I wasn't one of those kids with some endearing nicknames like Honey, Bunny, Pumpkin or something cutesy. Nope.

Mine was Whine Burger.

To be quite honest with you I'm not entirely sure where it came from (Mom?) but the reason for it is quite obvious. I was a whiner. I whined A LOT... and when I'd get going my parents and relatives would call me Whine Burger in attempts to shut me up.

I mean seriously, I don't blame them, to me there is nothing worse than a whiney kid and if I whined a lot... well, power to them for making up the world's worst nickname to try and stop it.

I really find it quite ironic that my nickname was Whine Burger considering I've never eaten a hamburger in my life.

Anywho... about all I can talk about right now is how sick I've been, and since every time I complain, bitch and moan now I think someone is going to call me Whine Burger I try and avoid doing it.

I've already tweeted about a bajillion times about how awful this flu has been.

It truly has. I have been chained to my apartment, unable to work, watching movies and well, pinning.

A lot of pinning.

So it would only be so appropriate for me to finally participate in Oh How Pinteresting Wednesday for the first time today.









You know, instead of whining and complaining about how I've been sick for FOUR DAYS and there is still no end in sight.

Okay okay I'll stop.

But seriously, I go through bouts of obsession, but I love Pinterest. It has the ability for me to laugh my ass off when I want to die, make my heart swell up and not-so-secretly plan my wedding to some far off groom that lord knows when I'll meet.

Source: Uploaded by user via Amy on Pinterest

Source: tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

I didn't think it was possible to love Kid Cudi more

Source: sodahead.com via Amy on Pinterest

this makes my heart kaboom

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Source: weheartit.com via Amy on Pinterest

Oh hay Ryan Gosling, remember that time when you're from like an hour away from Ottawa, yah so wanna get married? Love me.

Source: sodahead.com via Amy on Pinterest

Source: robsessedpattinson.com via Amy on Pinterest

Why do we have to wait so long for Part 2???

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Source: svpply.com via Amy on Pinterest

Okay so I NEED this to survive.

Source: thechive.com via Amy on Pinterest

Anywho... I'm going back to being sick now, while trying to do the work that I haven't been able to do.

*Blogger is being a spacing and justification jerk today*

I am {not} a Crazy Person

Sorry I've been MIA as of lately.

I kind of crawled into a dark hole and decided to camp out for awhile.

I wasn't feeling like myself and decided to steer clear of here because all I felt was negativity.

There are a number of things going on right now, that I care not to elaborate too much on because I'm still sorting through them in my heard, and while yes, I am a full disclosure kind of person... there are some things I just need to keep to myself because if I speak too soon (which I always tend to do) I end up screwing things up.

I seem to always miss that step of... sort it out first alone and then see how it is.

When something exciting happens, I shout it from the rooftops to every close friend and relative, and then when things are a bit weird or not translating I feel embarrassed or ashamed that I jumped on the soapbox so quickly.

So from now on I'm trying to keep the first three steps to myself and then I will communicate what's going on.

Like my weight for instance.

When I jump on the wagon, often I fall off within a pound or two, so celebrating short and quick victories just make me sound like I don't have my shit together.

Celebrating ten pounds is saying something.

Same goes for dating.

But without saying too much, something I've discovered lately is that I'm still a little fucked up from the last one.

While I have moved on, gotten over it and 110% happy with my life and decisions... there is a lot of fear when it comes to moving into the next step of dating.

I really just figured that when I'd meet someone I'd jump back into it with no fears and everything would go pretty smoothly.

Well I've discovered that's not the case.

I'm a bit of a crazy person when it comes to dating now.

I noticed it a few weeks ago when I was watching TV and some guy was doing something nice for a girl, or she did something a bit crazy and I was shocked that he was a) nice to her and b) didn't get ridiculously mad at her.

Then it dawned on me that I have this fucked up idea in my head now that the girl always cares about the guy more, and guys just don't love girls the same.

Crazy talking I tell you.

here

I'm a bit concerned for the next relationship because while yes, I think I'm ready to move on... I am afraid of being one of those girls with baggage. The girl that ruins it because she's super paranoid that he just not that into me when that's not the case.

Having only been in one relationship and not really done the dating thing much, and certainly not been part of the texting relationship dating game (I started dating during the MSN/AIM days), I am still kind of new to this world of dating. I also suffer from a relationship mentality.

When a guy that really does not owe me anything, does not need to check in with me, etc. etc. doesn't message me right away...that doesn't mean he doesn't like me, isn't into me, or whatever. It just means he has a life. Go figure.

I'm sure at this point you're reading between the lines, and I am indeed trying to make it obvious enough.

So the past few days I've spent trying to convince myself that I am not crazy or damaged goods and that I am indeed worthy of a guy liking me as much as I like him.

I don't have to let my entire past shape my entire future. That's what clean slate's are for.

So yah... here I am just... trying.

Hopefully stuff goes well enough so that I have a sort of dating victory the equivalent of losing 10 pounds and I can come back here and just talk about it full disclosure style.

Also, in other news....

I'm down 13 pounds, I got my nose pierced (again...had it in high school) and my cousin, mom, aunt and I found a stray kitten, and after careful debate, Vada saying hells to the no, and my aunt volunteering to try taking her, I am not getting another kitten.

totally cried, forgot how much it hurt. 

Happy Wednesday!

Dating Vlog

So, on the polly poll on the side there {vote!} many of you have asked about my dating life as of lately... so what better way to update you all than through a vlog! It's been a while, actually so long that my hair is a different colour, about 4 inches longer and I have a tan {that is rapidly fading}.

So watch and hear all about my dating life update!

I personally love the screen shots that Vimeo always seems to choose. This one was the most ridiculous one. Good times. 

Dating Vlog from Amy @life'sJourneywithasmile on Vimeo.

What are your thoughts on online dating?

Where do you think you can meet people?

Thankful Thursday's v.3

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Let's get a bit me-me for a moment and say...

I'm thankful for the fact that it's my

BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

Today I am 24 years old!

I am in Alberta and will be back Saturday to celebrate!

While some pretty shittacular things happen in my 23rd year, it was an amazing year of my life.

And this year... will be even better! I think some wonderful things will be happening in my 24th year!

Probably one of the most ridiculous pictures of me from a few weeks ago

It's going to be a fabulous year, and for that, I am thankful. 


What are you thankful for today?
 Linky up!