Faux Pas

Ahhh social norms. We all live our lives (for the most part) constricted by what is right, what we should do, and caring about what others think... and then of course there is the internal debate of what is or isn't right.

I've always been one of those people that just can't commit myself to or do anything with guys unless my heart is in it... the slightest amount of feelings the other way and I feel like I'm cheating. The question is actually who am I cheating? Myself or the other person?

The dating game is something I've never been familiar with. I was painfully single my entire teenage years up until I met you know who, and then I was just in a relationship.

I've never done the whole dating life, where "exclusive" began to mean something. How people date around and speak to a bunch of guys (or girls) at once is just an obscure concept for me.

Not wanting a relationship right now makes this easy though, it seems harmless to me.

But (of course it was coming) now I'm completely infatuated with a boy that lives 3500 kms away that has a girlfriend. How can I try and date other people when he's all I've been thinking about? How can I just move on when I'm slightly convinced that he's my soul mate? How can I move on when there is so much unfinished business?

He messaged me today after emerging from the service-less bush and I was instantly back into the butterflies, blushing and 12-year old girl crush world.

I know he feels it too, it's too strong to deny.

So how can I feel okay about going on a simple blind date tomorrow?

Obviously I'm going to go, and obviously there isn't a problem with going. Luckily the pressure will be off, but my heart certainly won't be in it.

Why waste my time with someone that probably (there is obviously a slim chance) won't do it for me?

Meeting M just showed me that I don't want to waste my time, when you meet someone and it feels right, being with someone else again is no longer scary. You want to be with someone else, and not just hesitantly... but with all of your heart. You'll start fantasizing about epic adventures across the country, and diving in the deep waters of love again...no matter how scary and crazy it might seem.

Crazier things have happened.

Big sigh...

For now I just have to keep trying in my little world, until the possibility of ours converging happens.

Wish me luck?

Regularly Scheduled Programming

Not that I've consistently done anything around here. I'm a bit of an all over the place freak if you hadn't noticed.

I like it that way though :)

So I believe I'll be in one place for the next couple (hopefully few) weeks, so I would like to create a nice little list of things I'd like to accomplish over the next little while. I do well with lists (for the most part).

Clean my apartment (it's grosstastic from all the packing/unpacking and absence)

Clean my car (same story - it's disgustastic)

Make up some more fun words ;)

Be adventurous (going on my first set-up blind date on Thursday)

Get my nails did (shellac is seriously my new love) 

Go grocery shopping, cook and stay in

Go to Red Light Green Light (end summer with a bang) 

Run (I miss it dearly)

Catch up on my TV shows

Relax

Have bubble baths

Snuggle Vada lots

Drink lots of water

Catch up on laundry 

Read

Blog more :)

Keep on smiling (psshhh no problem there)

What are you trying to accomplish these days?

I'm Back!

Where do I even begin? I am still sorting through it all in my own head (a tired head). My days are screwed up, my hours, and just about everything.

Let's start with an I love my job. I almost feel guilty for being paid to do something I love so much (so much so I'm debating how many hours to charge).

My job is so so so rewarding.

For those of you that don't know, I just spent 10 days in the bush for a youth camp in Northern Alberta for the community I work with (two 4-day camps).

As I mentioned previously, I was quite fearful of the bears (and other scary bush creatures). I was in the bush bush and when I mentioned this fear, I was not kidding. It's legit. Well, to just start off on a recap, prior to even going to the camps my bear count was at 7 including a baby bear right outside my (rental) truck.

Yup.

I surprisingly was not too afraid since he was so little and cute (and Momma was nowhere in sight), but the next bear I saw was slightly after we arrived at the camp with 30 8-12 year olds. The kids gathered around this massive bear, who unfortunately was not following the bear more afraid of you then you are of them protocol. The men from the community at the camp tried to scare it away with no luck and ended up injuring the bear, which sadly later he returned yet again and they were forced to shoot him. I have to note that I am extremely upset with this outcome, but understand that it was necessary given the number of children we were trying to keep safe. Please do not send me any sort of animal rights types of comments, as it is not necessary - just merely part of my trip. I saw two more bears on the trip outside of the camp (including my first brown bear).

That was about the only negative thing that happened. Everything else has left me with a smile on my face and fullness in my heart.

I don't even know where to go from here with my recap.

I could talk about the level of spiritual humility I've achieved from this trip.

I could talk about the amazing connection I've made with community members and elders.

I could talk about the laughter, fun and good times.

Or... I could talk about the guy I met.

but I'm going to give you all a
To be continued...

Out of Here

Okay and I'm gone!

This is your scheduled post. I am already in Northern Alberta and up getting ready to go deep into the woods for youth camps with work.

Please pray I don't get eaten by bears and wolves.

he looks friendly...no?

See you guys on the flip side!!

I've got one scheduled post for you while I'm away, so if you see me popping up on your Reader, know I'm just out in the bush hopefully having an amazing time instead of drenched from torrential downpours  or eaten alive by mosquitoes (they are SO bad in Alberta).

I'll be back August 28th!

Enjoy the rest of your August!!

Surrounded by Chaos

Not my life per se, just my apartment.

Sunday night I arrived back to my apartment after being away for 17 days. 17 days of which I had to pack for a camping trip, a business trip, visiting family, home time and a wedding. To say I brought my entire closet would not be lying, and then some. My car was full. What can I say, I like to pack for options.

So about 24 hours later I had to start packing for a 10-day camping trip for work (actually two 4-day trips with time sandwiched between). Since I'm flying this makes things difficult. I had to pack a mattress, sleeping bag, pillow along with clothes and several pairs of shoes (hikers, runners) and all my other odds and ends. I'm supposed to pack rain boots but that's just not happening. I had to pay for the extra bag to check because this is just getting too insane. Chaos.

My apartment is destroyed. I hate leaving my place in a mess, but having been home for such a short period of time, and then amount I have left to do, and the amount of hours I have left before I have to leave (6), and the few errands I still have to run, I'll be returning home to a mess.

That is after I fly back to Ottawa, jump in my car, pick up my friend, drive home for one night (a party and to see family) and return back here on August 28th.

Yup it's been a busy summer.

But you know what?

It's been the best one yet. 

My Newest Beauty Favs

I've always been a bit of a make-up freak. I am pretty sure I started wearing eye liner and mascara in the 6th grade, and since then I've had lots of practice and I'm always sporting make-up.

Over the years nails and hair have also been added to my freak repertoire. I've been rocking the hair braid for 5 years now, and always like to keep on top of the latest trends (I want a feather extension SO bad).

I prefer Essie over OPI... but lately I've become obsessed with Sally Hansen's stick-on nail polish (houndstooth) and as of very lately... I have been converted to a shellac lover. Have you heard of shellac?

While I love painting my nails, I am very annoyed by it often because as soon as I paint them, a nick, a smudge, a... start over. Then there is the whole chipping, peeling and everything in between that just drives me. I'm not a fan of wearing fake nails. Enter shellac. While I was away at my cottage many of my family members were raving about shellac nails, which are basically gel nail polish nails that are instantly hard and last for... 3 weeks. AND it's your real nails. While I was at the airport a week ago I got my first shellac manicure and I'm never looking back! A week in and they're still looking freshly polished!

mine are the big nails ;)

Also added to my new favourites - sock buns! I have super thin hair and love the bun look, but I can never make mine look big! Enter sock bun! I wore one last night as practice for a wedding I'm going to tonight, and got so many compliments!! Another recent fav that every blogger and her sister is blogging about are the no heat hair band curls that ACTUALLY work. I urge you to try both looks!

Any beauty secrets you're loving lately?

Listy Loo

Hey everyone! I'm back again... but not for long. I told you August was a crazy month... so how about a little listy update? Alrighty!

♥ I am travelled out, unfortunately (but not really) I am back at it Tuesday and off on a camping trip in the Albertan bush. I just spent Saturday-Thursday in Alberta (of which Monday-Thursday was for work). I saw a bear, and now I'm scared of getting eaten by a bear while camping... or wolves. 


♥ Last night I had a party at my cottage with all of my brother's friends. I'd like to say it was the best night of my summer so far, but in reality this summer has been so amazing I can't just pick one night. It was awesome though. 

summer theme?

♥ I haven't been to my apartment since July. 


♥ I'm convinced my home town is a different breed of people. It just doesn't get better than this.

♥ Although I've kinda been forced to put eating well and exercising on the backburner with all the vacationing and travels I haven't been this happy in years. So. worth. it. 


♥ The best part about travelling is that I have to pay for it up front. Say what? Yah no, it's amazing. The amount of airmiles and aeroplan miles I'm racking up are incredible! I can't wait to go on a free trip with them. I may not get vacation time, but I get vacation points!!


♥ Vada is so squishy and cute, she was so happy to see me return! She cuddled with me all night. Kitty cuddles are the best.


♥ Speaking of kitties I went to visit my Uncle in Alberta from Saturday-Monday and they had 10 day old kittens. I died all weekend long. 

♥ Life is good. 

Renewal

I shamefully have to admit that I was one of those girls. Yup. One of those girls that got so wrapped in my relationship that I lost touch or grew apart from some really key people in my life.

Over the past fourish months one of the most amazing things has happened. I regained touch and got back the friendships and relationships that suffered while I was in the awful relationship cave.

Of course this past weekend while I was away (I call it a weekend but it was 5 days) I had a lot of family members asking the questions that had not yet been answered for them, and also spent some really solid time with family that I have typically only had some short conversations with while up at the cottage, because, yes, even at the cottage we were attached at the hip.

While on the dock, I mentioned something about this and how much it drove me crazy that I was never able to just hang with my family up there because he was always mad at me if I left him alone to fend for himself, or if he wanted to do something I had to do it, but god forbid I really wanted to do something.

My cousin said, "OMG I thought you were just like that! I thought you just wanted to be alone with him". Nope. Drove me up the wall. I'm one of those independent girls that enjoys a guy that can fend for himself in my family. Go play... while I go do this. See you at bedtime or around the fire. Of course some time together is nice, but not every single second.

This also translated into our lives together. I'm not entirely playing the blame game here, because I made these choices myself too, but I certainly chose the relationship first far too often.

When I come home now I'm home. Not at his place splitting the time between his family and mine. I'm home. I have time with my family, then I'm off seeing friends that mean the world to me.

So as a little thank-you to my friends and family, I'm going to highlight some of the important relationships that have be restored from this break-up.

Mom - Of course I've always been close with my mom - we always checked in with each other, and had our chats... but I feel like through this break-up and the restored freedom in my life, our relationship has been taken to the next level. I can't really explain it but it has. We're closer and I feel like my mom is more part of my life now. More like how I wanted it. It all started with her hopping in the car as soon as she found out we broke up and being there within 24 hours to help heal my broken heart. It's answering the phone to me weeping in the early days, and now it's sharing more of my life than I did before. My blog being a tool for that. I love knowing that she reads every post and is probably my number one writing fan :)

Katie - My second biggest fan. Always there for me no matter what, and we're each others well-paid therapists (paid in the most amazing friendship life could offer). We've been besties since the 7th grade, but over the years of relationships our visits were very limited to lunch or dinners in town with short visits. Now it's time together, real time. Going out and having fun. Girl talks. Movies. Real friendship the way it used to be.

Cass - My cousin. We grew up like sisters. She's an only child, and I was always the big sister in her life, and we always are there to hold each other up. More than most people she knew the shit that was going on (and Katie) when the relationship was going sour. She knew, she saw... and she would call it. At the time it pissed me off, but that's what sisters do. We call each other on the shit we're putting up with that we shouldn't. When we broke up we started to see each other all the time again. How it was that we lived in the same city and saw each other only a few times a month is beyond me. Now we have that relationship back, and she'll be the first one to tell me how much I've changed for the better.

L - My other best friend. We went through our break-ups together. How it was that two best friends could be dating two best friends and never see each other is mind boggling. Our friendship has grown to be so much better than it ever was, and that and all these relationships growing to be better is the best thing to ever come from such a rough time in my life. We run, we laugh and we talk unlike we did before. We also vow to never date best friends again - as lovely as it sounds, it just doesn't work.

How much I have come to appreciate and be grateful for the relationships in my life cannot be expressed through writing. It cannot be given justice. I've grown closer to other family members and friends too... but I just thought I'd note the main four.

So if you're reading this... thank-you for being there for me even after I became one of those girls...and I promise to never do it again.

Odyssey

Oh haaaaaaayyyy!

My longest blogging hiatus yet! Didja miss me?

I missed you all so much! Is it weird that I sit on the beach and wonder what my bloggy buds are up to? Probably, but whatever.

So what have I been up to?

Relaxing.

Beaching.

Swimming. 

Floating.

Laughing. ohhhh the laughter. 

Tanning.

Campfires. 

Boating.

Tubing. 

Eating. Too much. It was good. Whatever.  

Reading. Pshh that's a lie, I read like 10 pages mostly because of the...

my pretty Momma finished 1.5 books!

Drinking. (oh my lord the drinking... so much drinking). As I sit here and upload a plethora of photos (I took 500 by the way, and edited it down to 235) my mom said, "Did you get any photos of me to show I was there?" Yah pretty much didn't see my mom, it was weird. I said "I feel like I didn't see you", she said "Yah you were drunk pretty much the entire time." True story. Whatever. It was fun.

she did too

and of course Family Time. 

Whatcha been up to?

Did I miss anything?