My First 5K

3132nd: 45:14.8 (37:26.0)

 
Well I did it! It was amazing! Crossing that finish line was honestly one of the most surreal and amazing moments of my life. Once upon a time I thought I could never run. I thought I just wasn't built for it, it wasn't for me. I could find my strengths elsewhere and truly thought I would never be able to run.

Today I proved myself wrong and showed myself if you set your mind to anything you can accomplish it! As of next week I'm starting my training for a 10K and my goal is to run the half marathon one year from today (or whenever the Ottawa Race Weekend happens to fall a year from now).

My intention was to run the race in the 10:1 pace (10 minutes running, one minute walking - through the entire race). My friend and I started out further back and once the gun went off, we didn't even move. Did I mention 9000 people ran this race? So we stood and waited, by the time we got to the start line it had been 8 minutes. There were so many people we were dodging... walkers, children and people all over the place. We ran the first 12 minutes together (and then I lost her, she finished in 33 minutes!) and then we took a walk break - and that's when I regretted pushing myself to 12 minutes - I felt great, but the next 10 minutes was rough. I walked for about 30 seconds during that interval, and then the remainder of the race I ran 10:1. At the 750m mark I had my last walk break and then I just started running as fast as I could. The finish line was in my view and I knew I was almost there! Crossing that finish line was such an amazing feeling. Ten weeks of training all for a moment - and let's just say, that moment was so worth it.

It was a pretty emotional race for me. Like I said after about 13 minutes I ran the remainder alone. This race was such a sign of my progress over the past few months. I started running about a week before Stewart and I broke up, and here I was 2 months later running a 5K. My life has changed so much. Even though there were children running faster than me I had to remind myself how far I have truly come. I never want to lose that feeling of accomplishment. I never thought I could do this.

I may not be quite ready to completely move on (read: ended up cancelling date), but I am in a whole different place. I have goals that I have made and smashed them. I rocked it. I did it. I can do anything. I am okay with me. I am okay to be with myself for now. To date me. To figure myself out again...because if only two months of being with myself has shown me anything - taking a summer to myself can only bring even more wonderful things.

I am going to sort out everything in my life and be in a place where I am 1000% happy with my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, but I want to be fantastic. I want to feel like I am the best version of myself, and right now I only feel like I'm getting there. I am on the right path, and I cannot wait to see where it leads.

Today felt like the first day of my new life. Today meant everything to me. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for me!

Race Day

It's here! I'll be running my first 5K at 5pm tonight! Stay tuned for my re-cap!

Excitement

At the beginning of this year I was so determined to make it a good one. I knew that making that decision was up to me, and so was making it happen. I set off in January with such a positive attitude for the year ahead and was so ready take control of my life and make things happen for me. I wanted a year of excitement and great things.

Then life just kept pelting shit at me and I started to feel a little discouraged. Obviously given the fact that March ended in a shattering break-up meant that the months leading to said break-up weren't that great. I was being pulled apart at the seams when all I wanted was to be happy. I just wanted positivity, love and happiness. Cliché yes, but truly all I wanted.

April was a bit of a blur while I slowly picked myself up and put myself back together - but then something wonderful happened in May. Those pieces began to fit back together in ways I had forgotten about. Ways that left me feeling free, fulfilled and truly happy again. At peace. Right. Whole.

This person I was... that was so afraid of unhappiness and being alone is now so happy to be alone (but far from lonely) and well, happy.

And once I started to feel this sense of completeness I hadn't felt in a long time, all these amazing things started happening to me.

I got a raise. I got a bonus. I transitioned my job into a more stable place (still the same job, just a different payment structure). More recognition. Business trips. Wonderful things about a job that anyone would love and appreciate.

And then yesterday... that apartment that I've been dying for, dreaming about and mustering up in my head for as long as I could remember was found. I did a search carefully looking at every possible ad that fit my bill...and then I saw it. I immediately started to become panicked when I realized nearly 500 people had viewed this ad and that it had been up for over a week. Pipe dream? Not even an hour later, the girl emailed me back saying it was still available and I could look tomorrow with her number. I called like 30 seconds later and we got talking...and I ended up hopping in my car and going right then. It's everything I wanted and more. It's everything I thought I couldn't have and more.

Soaker tub
Hardwood and ceramic floors
Dishwasher
Washer and dryer hook-up
Duplex (no more apartment building!)
Storage
Large balcony (that can have a BBQ)
Lots of parking
Kitty-friendly
Affordable and in my budget (shocker I know)


So today the landlord is calling my references, and hopefully I can sign the lease by the end of the week! Are you smiling? Because I am!!!

It's not uncommon that you, my lovely readers tell me I'm inspiring. That you're amazed by my positivity and ability to see the light in any gloomy situation. I can't begin to tell you how incredibly flattering this is each and every time I hear it. I have to say, that this is something I work on, (yes it somewhat comes naturally to me) but it's all about making a choice to live a positive life. It's all about saying no to the negative. It's about ignoring the shit storms and making yourself choose to look at the positive when life is really tough.

I've been through a lot of tough stuff in my life and every time I want to feel down on myself and give myself a pity party - I allow it for a minute or two (sometimes an hour or a day) and then I pick myself up and look at the light. I choose gratitude. I choose to look at everything that is wonderful in my life. I look around and see that the positive truly outweighs the negative, and even when that seems hard to imagine, you can always find a light...even at rock bottom.

This is your life, and you have to choose you. You have to choose the best for you. You have to decide that you'll start saying no to the bad, and give every ounce of positivity you have in you to the good and great things... and you know what? That's when wonderful things start to happen... and that is exciting.

Every morning I load up my computer and catch up on the morning poster blogs and then start my workday. Mary, like clockwork always posts in the morning (ah the scheduled poster, gotta love them!) and I usually save her for last since it's a positive way to start my day. She's so incredibly inspiring, and I think she doesn't even realize it sometimes. This girl has lost 140 pounds in less than a year, and she has truly taken her life into her own hands and is fighting for it to be the best life she can have...and she's truly doing it! She is so incredibly inspiring to me and for her to say that I'm inspiring is so flattering to me. I am truly humbled by this. Mary gave me the Honest and Real Blogger award today and if that's not a positive way to start your day... I don't know what is!

So I have to choose someone to pass this award onto... and it's incredibly tough because I am so inspired by each and every blog I read in a different way! Today I'm choosing Jessica at See How She Runs. She is so inspiring to read. She always has goals on the go, and she is always making amazing strides to meet them. She's such an inspiring person to read on her running journey - and always so grateful, positive and happy! I urge you to check out her blog!

So my friends, I hope you didn't find this too cheese ball - self-help style blogging, but I must say I've just been so happy and amazed by how far my positive outlook on life has taken me lately that I had to share it!

Happy Thursday (indeed)!!

Bucket Full of Updates

Hi friends!

I feel like it's been a while since I've actually just sat down and typed my heart out. For a while there if I sat down and let my fingers take me away it just came out with a mess of emotions. That helped for a while, and I think I can happily report that this post will be the complete opposite of all of that.

It's been two months and I'm in the clear. I breathe. I smile. I am free. I have moved on.

I am so happy and I can't even begin to tell you how amazing I feel. I'm in such a good place in my life, and all the emotions associated with this stage and phase are exciting and smile-filled.

I am on the apartment hunting mode right now and have decided that I am going to live alone. In the beginning I was nervous about living *and* working alone, but now that I've been doing it for two months, I don't think I'd have it any other way at this point. I don't want to deal with the mess of a roommate situation. I want my stuff, my style, my privacy. I am absolutely loving living alone.

My biggest thing I have to tackle at this point is learning to eat for one. I have been so bad with my eating and mostly eating take-out/out with friends or last minute put together stuff. I actually went grocery shopping today for the first time in over two weeks. Yes that's me hanging my head in shame.

Luckily my running has curbed the badness from affecting my weight, and I'm kind of maintaining a weight of about 174-175 pounds (last I checked). Now that I have a fridge semi-full with good and nutritious food, I'm ready to get that back under control!

My weekend at home was absolutely amazing. It was that extra boost to my already fabulous moods and life. I honestly find myself smiling at home alone.

My job is great. My friends and family are awesome, and I have about a bajillion plans already lined up for a fantastic summer.

2011 is truly shaping up to being the year about me and I couldn't be happier about that! 

The Freebie Five

I kind of have an unhealthy obsession with Friends. It goes in waves between that and SATC... and I'll watch 2-4 episodes a day. Right now I'm in a SATC spree, since it got to the point where every episode of Friends felt like I had just watched it. Now that I'm doing that with SATC I'll probably switch back to Friends for awhile.

Anyone else wish that show never got cancelled? Um why didn't they make a movie? Ross and Rachel get married? No? Anyone?

Anyways one of my favourite episodes/moments is when Ross and Rachel make their "Celebrity Freebie List". You know the five celebrities you could sleep with and not get in any trouble? My list seems to always be changing, but I decided to make a fun little post (with a link-up please join!) of my favourite five along with some steamy honourable mentions! 

Play along it's fun!

The Five

{one}

Josh Hartnett

 Okay, I know he totally fell off the map, but in my prime boy crush age I was totally in love with him. My walls were 80% Josh Hartnett. I still have a soft spot for him. I wish he'd come back to the acting scene because I still think he's amazing...and well delicious. 

I fell in love with him in The Faculty, but I decided to marry him in Pearl Harbor

{two}

James Franco

I love the funny man, and he's amazingly sexy too (except in a dress). He's gorgeous and a brilliant actor!

I love him.

{three}

Puck - aka - Mark Salling

Anyone else want to admit Puck is a main reason you tune into Glee? No? How about if I told you he's actually 28? Now we're talking.

Bet you wish you watched Glee now if you didn't before!

{four}

Avery - aka - Jesse Williams

I was kinda getting bored of Dreamy and Steamy, then Avery joined the show and I suddenly was excited about Grey's again. McHottypants? McYummy? McIwanttolickyou?

Would you believe me if I told you I mainly love his eyes?

{five}

Eric Northman - aka - the hottest man ever - aka - Alexander Skarsgård 

Oh man anyone else excited to drool at the screen when True Blood returns? When he almost died last season I vowed that I will never watch it again if Eric leaves the show. Good thing HBO listened to me. 

Yes please.

Honourable Mentions

 These lads don't make the list right now, but I don't laminate my list. These are some other drool-worthy Hollywood hotties. These guys don't fall in any particular order. 

27 Dresses Dude - aka - James Marsden

I find he's not always hot, but he certainly has his moments. This makes him an honourable mention. But guess what James... I'm single, so my list need not apply.  

I just want to cuddle with him.

Jim Sturgess

This man can sing...well. I love him. So cute. He has that Seth (from the OC) quality about him, but hot. Across the Universe? LOVE. 

I mainly want him to serenade me with his sweet sweet voice.

Jacob -aka- Taylor Lautner

I wish this kid (kid being the operative word) was like Puck and not actually a teen playing a teen. If he was older he'd make the list, but instead I just drool feeling like a fool whenever I watch Twilight. Whyyyy is he soooo young?

Those abs don't say "I'm only 19"

Robert Pattinson 

 Please note I did not put Edward here. I think he's ugly in Twilight, and did not even think he was worthy of this list until... Water for Elephants. Oh gawd he is hot in that movie... or was it just me and the fact that I'm newly single? Side note: That movie is amazing, if you haven't seen it...go go go! 

Running to the movies? You should be.

Jake Gyllenhaal

 This one is pretty much self-explanatory. Yum.

You taking that shirt off for me?

Sexy Wearwolf - aka - Joe Manganielle

I cannot wait for True Blood to return.
 

I don't care if he's a dog in the show - he's a sexy dog!

Mr. Donald Draper - aka - Jon Hamm

Anyone else dying without Mad Men? Go see Bridesmaids...or start Season 1 over again. I might just have to go see Bridesmaids again, then start Mad Men from the beginning. Mr. Draper you're an asshole, but an uberly hot one. 

 

Ryan Reynolds

I am one proud Canadian. Those abs. Oh those abs.  

and he's funny!

 

Do you think I missed anyone? I likely did! Who makes your list? Linky up! It's fun!! 

 

all images are from a Google Image search of the actors names (sometimes paired with shirtless).

Let's not talk about how I'm single and I don't need a freebie list. I am perfectly aware.

Ordinary Days

Yesterday my Mom posted this poem on Facebook. 

When my brother died, his plane wasn't found until the next morning.

Otherwise four years ago today.

This is what my mom wrote yesterday:

Today's just an ordinary day

Today's just a day,
Just an ordinary day,
Four years ago today,
I was at a spa,
having my first pedicure,
I was massaged,
I was relaxed,
I was laughing,
I was having fun.
Today was just an ordinary day
It was tomorrow,
that rocked our world,
with the news of your death
Today was just an ordinary day
It is just a number,
because EVERY day we miss you,
no more than today or tomorrow or any day.
Today was just an ordinary day

With more love than you know,

Mom ♥

xoxo

 Thoughts and love to my Momma, Dad, (me) and my family today please.

Thank you so much for your amazing love and support yesterday friends! 

You guys never seize to amaze me!

♥

Four Years

Four years ago on May 17, 2006 my brother was killed in a plane crash. 

That summer was a rough one, but also amazing in the same breath. 

Our town united and it brought so much of us closer together.

We did many toasts, shots and had moments of shared laughter, tears and heartache.

Life would forever be different.

Today it has been four years since my brother left this world and entered another.

Not a day goes by without at least a hundred thoughts about him.

He was amazing. He was beautiful. He was my hero.

Each and everyday I am grateful for the time we had together.

The fights, the screaming, the pushing, the pulling.

The laughter, the sibling bond.

The jokes, the quirks.

The trouble, the mischief.

The Christmas mornings, the looks only we knew.

The parties, the inclusion.

The love.

So in honour of my brother today I'm going to share some old memories!

my Brother tattoo

I love you Kyle. 

I miss you more than words could ever express.

♥

Ten Favourite Things

Mrs. Meg O (hahah that has a nice ring to it if you say it fast in your head) tagged me in a ten favourite things post. As I was reading it I kept thinking, I'm so going to do this, and then she tagged me so it's just meant to be.

So without being all serious I just threw a list together and here's 10 things that I favour in my life!

{one}

Vada. Yah she gets number uno spot. She keeps me laughing daily, I wake up to her every morning and I feed her. I love my fur baby in an obsessive kind of way. 

Yes I've shown you this before but it still cracks me up!

{two}

My family. My parents are the most amazing parents ever, but I'm going to dedicate this one to my cousin today. She has been there for me SO SO much over the past couple months and honestly I can't even describe to you have amazing she's been. She had been at my doorstep when I couldn't even form words in my sobs, she's been there for the first night of drinking and laughter post-BU and we've wracked up probably a good 5 or 6 hours on the phone in the last month. Love ya Cass! 

She's the sister I've never had, and we're complete dorks together!

{three}

My friends. Same shout-out. They're awesome. I'll go vintage on me and one of my bestie's Katie who I've talked about lots on here. She's all peace and love, and we're the same. We always share our ridiculous over the top ideas, and ridiculous over the top freak-outs. LOVE!

Summer 2006

{four}

My job. Oh man, we've had our ups and downs, but lately it's all up. I love my boss, I love my job and I love where it's taking me. It's been one of the only stable things in my life lately and I just love it for that!

Sunset on my business trip to Alberta at like 9:30 at night.

{five}
Creativity. I love making things I love taking pictures. I love blogging/writing. My favourite thing to do is be creative. I'm still working on getting that Etsy shop up and running! Soon my friends, soon!

Stay tuned!

{six}
My blackberry. Oh lord I seriously panic when my phone dies. I live with it attached to my palm. Pathetic? Yes. Honest? Absolutely. I love Blackberry's and it's definitely a favourite in my life.

I love my phone.

{seven}
My car. It's my second home. It's messy, it's peppy and it's allllll mine. I love her so much. 2010 Kia Forte.

Her name is Kitty when paired with my GPS... get it? She's a female version of Kit? I still have to teach her to drive me around without me driving.

{eight}

Exercise. It took me a longggggggggggggg time to get here. LONG. It's now essential to my life. I can't function without it. I need to workout. My body craves it. I cannot wait to rock that 5K in 2 weeks!!!

{nine}

My cottage. Oh I love this place. Well it's not mine, it's my dad's cousin's. But every August long weekend our family spends a glorious weekend on the beach, drinking, eating, tenting it and surrounded by each other. It's fabulous and honestly my favourite weekend of the year. I refuse to ever miss it, and will likely be paying double rent in July just so I can be there. More on that later.

{ten}

Positivity. Stewart seems to think I'm a negative person, which is laughable to me. Since I am sitting here with a huge smile on my face after all the shit he has put me through. Positivity is essential to my life, and I am always hopeful for the future and nothing can ever get me down about that. 

hello blonde!!!

and I tag my fellow crazy cat ladies since my other crazy cat lady friend {aka Vada's boyfriend's Mommy} tagged me!

Jen

Steph

Mandee

Have a good weekend everyone! I'm off to get my single on with my new hairdo!

Emotional Vacation Indeed

Wow... Blogger fail big time. Do  you notice a difference? What was that all about?

I wanted to post this yesterday because I had a plan for today, but I guess this will have to do for now, I might pump out two posts or save my other one for tomorrow. Who knows?

I just needed to get out. Breathe. See the world in a different way and come out the other side. I came home on Wednesday evening and just finally felt at peace. There was a bit of drama that doesn't need to be rehashed... but the end of it all is that I am truly ready to move on now.

It took a month of figuring out how I felt, and a few nails put in a coffin on the other end to get me here, but I am. I can clearly see now what happened, what was missing, what I need and where I am now at.

I am so excited about this new chapter of my life, and finally accepting what has happened and moving on. Seriously.

I needed to get away so badly, let me just say it's exactly what the doctor ordered!

Being in the oil rig capital of Canada helped too... all the young buff men of the Oil Sands around the city was fun! {grin}

Anyways, now that I feel like I'm finally in this place where I am at peace with what has happened, and no longer feel sadness, bitterness and hostility towards the situation (aside from the fact that I am upset that he has done some prematurely hurtful things, which is a different kind of upset) ...I am no longer upset over the end of the relationship. It needed to happened.

I will always treasure the memories we made and the life we made together, but that is now over, and it should be.

Once again, thank-you to everyone that has provided me with advice and insight, emails to cry on (haha!) and checking in on me. I can't thank you enough.

And my family and friends that read my blog... a massive thank-you to you too! I couldn't have done it without you!

So the world is now my oyster (well it always was...) and it's time for me to move on to bigger and better things!

And that... is something I couldn't be more excited about!

No source, I made this. My photo! I love this quote...minus the trust thing, I think you can have faith and trust in others!

 

Emotional Vacation

Yesterday by far was one of the longest days of my life. It might of been the emotionality of it all, or the fact that I arrived at the airport at 5:30 pm and landed in my hotel room at 12:00 am Alberta time (aka 2 am my time)...or maybe it was both. Yup it was both.

I had a nice little bomb dropped on me yesterday and I'm not going into details. If you may have noticed I drafted my last post (pre-SFC) and I am probably going to keep it there. I think I have been taking my fingers to the keys a little too much lately, and while it has been quite helpful and soothing for me I feel like it might be backfiring on me internally.

I am a pretty private person when it comes to stuff, and with the emotional craziness of what I've been going through with this break-up I find I keep just texting/calling my friends and family the second something happens because I think I can't handle it on my own... or I go to Twitter and tweet my soul out, and then blog about it...and then after I kind of regret telling so many people so many details of what's going on before I've even given myself a minute to process it.

I think it was almost good that yesterday I had this huge massive heart-wrenching unbelievable bomb dropped on me and then I was cut off from my computer, cell phone and diary (I didn't pack it) for 8.5 hours. I had no choice but to sleep, distract myself or think about it. Since the situation was a little too emotional for me to not think about it, I spent every single second of those traveling hours trying to internalize what had happened earlier in the day.

This past week has been a shit storm...and that's an understatement. One. freakin'. thing. after. another. I brought a lot of it on myself with digging, questions and my emotions, but it's not my fault. What happened happened, and I can't even begin to comprehend how it makes me feel.

I can only explain to you right now that it's like when my brother died (not in the severity of the emotions associated with it, but in my reaction). I was a zombie of emotion. I cried until tears just came out on their own without intention, and felt utterly numb. Food is disgusting again...and yet I'm being oddly strong. I am sucking it up, and looking out for others. Caring about how others feel before myself. I am displacing my feelings of anguish and pain and worrying about how others are doing. It's messed up.

Sometimes I just wish I could turn it all off and have no emotional reaction. On and off switch. I need an emotional vacation please. I have had enough shit storms, emotional bombs and crap lately, thank-you very much. Can I just have a week of pure happiness? Or nothing? Just normalcy? Is that too much to ask?

I often feel like negative creates negative, but I really have stayed positive amongst all of this. I truly have. I have remained hopeful for my future in every sense, stayed strong and positive, but somehow I keep getting the shit end of the stick and I'm ready to say... enough already!!!!

Pause. Break. TIME-OUT.

Honestly, if I get one more thing in the next month that is remotely emotionally crushing, I can't promise you that this lady right here won't be gone over some deep-end (seriously I'm using light humour in this, please don't worry about me).

The timing is right in many respects, I may be running on a very shitty, wake-up a million times, tossing and turning, stomach pains, and night sweating four hour sleep, but I am away.

I am on vacation...working 12 hour days vacation... but hell I'll take what I can get.

I'm breathing in the dusty Alberta air, smiling at the sun, and saying, thanks to the higher power that took me swiftly out of the situation just when I needed it most.

Spring Walks

My running/walking/biking path is completely flooded in one direction, so my walk yesterday that was supposed to be about 5 km, probably ended up being closer to 8 km with all the dodging flooded paths and having to take the long way home. It was worth it though! Warning: picture overload! I love the Spring!

so cute!

those trees are typically not in the water.

Have a fabulous weekend my friends!I am going away on business and might not be around here until next Thursday! I might end up having lots of time on my hands in the evenings and around a lot, but if I'm absent, you'll know why!