In public school the pounds started settling in, and the term "baby fat" turned into just plain "over weight"... Sure there are reasons, but that's when it started. Come high school, I was fat and single. In the 11th grade I saw a picture of myself, and had my OMG moment. My mom and I started the Atkins diet together and I went from 173 pounds (my highest ever) down to about 134-136. At 5'4'' you would think this was still quite heavy, but I'm dense, and my bones seem to weigh much more than the average girl.
Fast forward. University. I had maintained my weight, and creeped up to a comfortable 138 which I felt great in, I would wear a bikini, and felt good, especially for the fat girl I'd come to known myself as. After the completion of my second year, I had a boy friend and life was great. I was happy and felt amazing, then the worst happened. My brother, my big brother, my only brother died. I came home and as the food started piling in (something that always seems to happen when someone dies) and there was a bag of chips sitting there and someone opened it. I picked up a chip, looked it, and said, "I am not going to let this situation make me gain what I lost." Famous last words.
I started to gain a bit of weight during my grieving process (in hindsight something that isn't that much!) I was about 148-150 pounds and hating on myself and got a personal trainer. Up until this point I had maintained my weight with no exercise and just controlling my eating. So I hired the trainer, and I looked good, felt good, and was in the best shape of my life. I was still about 145 pounds, but I looked good. After my training was done (and my wallet was empty) I gained 5 pounds, and felt super guilty, and couldn't go back to the gym because I felt so guilty and didn't want to face my trainer. And it has steadily climbed from there.
Here I am a couple years later, done university, and I would be happy to be that 173 pounds I was in high school. I'm now 185 pounds and at that breaking point. I have had it many times before, but for the last few weeks I have things under better control, and the climb has stopped, and now it's time for the climb to turn into a slide. I've reached my peak... and it's time to lose it. To help raise my accountability I've started this blog... join me on my journey :)
