Back in Action

Hi friends!!! Did you miss me?? I missed you!!

I've been off busy getting training with work, and guess what? I'm off again next week. But when you get to watch beautiful sunsets like these and spend time with the amazing people I get to spend time with... no complaints from me! However... next week? I'm off to New Mexico. Yup my friends, my job is rockin'. 

I would love to update you all on all the craziness that is my life, but I'm so exhausted and still processing the last week of my life. I'm at that point in my journey with Body Talk (the training I just got with work) where I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to start sounding crazy on here, but it's just resulted in crazy and profound changes in my life, so that's about all I can say right about now. 

As for the boy you all are (I'm sure) hanging by the edge of your seat to hear an update on... well I'm not sure about that either. I'm at that confusing point where I'm just not really sure what to do. We had four amazing dates, then the fifth one was just... okay, and by the end of it I just wanted to go home. So I've spent the last 10 days away with work mulling it over. I told him the other night about my confusion, and I'm not really sure where that leaves us. I'm no less confused...but the confusion to me isn't really a good sign. I shouldn't really be confused at all. I think I'm either a) not as ready as I thought I was, b) not feeling it or c) terrified. Option a isn't really true, and the fact that b and c are very different I don't know where to proceed. Not to mention, I almost got to see that boy from the summer yesterday, but wasn't able to get away from work as early as I thought I could...so that just adds to it. 

So here I am, confused. Still sorting it out and relishing in the amazing trip I just had. 

I wasn't ready

We've talked about the Body Talk stuff...and I'm pretty sure a good portion of you raise your eyebrow to it in many ways because I realize the way it sounds. However, without going into details of my last visit at the beginning of the month. I just have to say things have shifted for me again.

The last time I went there feeling like I'd hit my 10 pound wall in weight loss. I was frustrated. Every time I hit 10 pounds, it's like I froze and couldn't overcome that hurdle. I couldn't lose that weight. I actually felt like there was a wall there.

So it's something we worked on... talked out. The idea of armour and protection came up again and about how I'm always feeling this need to protect myself from hurt again. 

So after that session, and working it through... something shifted for me. I actually felt different. I also felt more ready than I had in a long time to really date. I wanted to before, but I suddenly felt like it was actually possible because I was okay with anything that would happen. I was at peace with where I was at.  

Honestly I realize how this sounds. I really do. 

But since that session a week and a half ago. I'm officially down 15 pounds, and I've met a boy. 

A boy that I'm being cautious with for obvious reasons, but someone I already know I can feel safe with. 

There aren't any games. There isn't complication. It's just easy. 

It's obviously incredibly new, and we haven't even kissed yet (there is a story there)... but I just feel good about this one. It's healthy and simple, yet really exciting.

And then, stepping on the scale this morning and seeing -15 pounds and knowing I'm passed that hurdle and wall. 

Well... life feels right.

I may not have been ready before... but I'm ready now.